Help Yourself Understand

Advice to family and friends of gamblers

Speaking as the problem gambler in the family, the more you, as spouses/partners/family and friends of the gambler can learn about this problem, the more you will know how to FIRSTLY help yourselves, that is maintaining your security. A gambler will risk all to be able to gamble, though it is NOT intentional to harm anyone, especially those that are nearest and dearest to them, in any way. To say “If he/she loves you, cares for you” he/she would stop, is so easy to say, yet SO difficult to do. The gamble is only too aware of the need to stop gambling, but like any addiction, obsessive illness/disorder, try as he/she might cant’.

I would like to encourage you all to firstly take care of yourselves and your families needs and financial security. If necessary even obtain legal advice about this. Secondly, to try to gain some insight into what the addiction is a about, through reading/research and even speaking to gamblers who are in recovery, to understand the gambler, but also to learn what to expect as to how the gambler feels and thinks, not only about the addiction, but about themselves.

Also, if possible get counselling to help you through some pretty emotional experiences of living with a compulsive gambler. If you think/feel there is a problem with gambling, as much as I hate to say it, there probably is and by “avoiding: it, thinking that perhaps you are wrong, or hoping you are, you are enabling the gambler to continue on the path they are on. I for one wish that someone, anyone had stopped enabling the gambler to continue on the path they are on.

Become aware of the “sign”, the stories, the lies, the craftiness, but also let the gambler know you care for them and will support them in their recovery, if/when they are ready to stop gambling.

Learn what you both will go through during this time also, such as the emotional upheavals, the temptations, the lapses and maybe relapses. It is not an easy road for either of you.

The long and the short of it it’s –while the gambler has access to cash, no matter how they are able to obtain it, they will gamble. I may not stop the gambling behaviour right away, as the gambler has to want/need to stop before that happens, but at least you are no longer a part of the vicious cycle.

Linda H, a Gambler’s Help client and operator of online support group www.gettingpastgambling.com This article was originally published in Gambling Matters Volume 4, Issue 3 , September 2005

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