Partners Perspective

Until a couple of years ago, I thought my story was rare. I felt like the loneliest person in the world. Today I know differently.

When our first child was born five years ago, life couldn’t have been better. I was married to a wonderful man, had a beautiful home we had both worked so hard to buy and renovate and had just started a family. Our life was shattered when our son was just six months old. I came home one day to find a letter from my husband telling me that he was a compulsive gambler. His addiction to poker machines was getting out of control and he didn’t know how to stop.

Those two words ‘compulsive gambler’ were never part of my vocabulary. Why would they be? This type of thing could never happen in my life - or so I naively thought. When David finally came home that night we talked about the problem and he promised me that he would stop gambling and get some help. I believed him - why wouldn’t I? This was the man whom I was going to spend the rest of my life with, my best friend, a hard-worker and wonderful father. That promise didn’t last long...

Within a few months he was stealing blank cheques out of the chequebook that I thought I had hidden so well! He obtained credit cards from various banks and eventually personal loans, all of which I knew nothing about. This went on for the next couple of years during which time we would borrow against our mortgage to pay off the debts and the promises started all over again.

In 1998 we decided to sell our home and move out of Sydney, something I had wanted to do for a while. We also thought the change would do David good, and it did - for about 6 months. We bought another house and David got a new job. I thought our move had paid off. When I was three months pregnant with our second child, the bomb dropped again. David had started gambling again.

This time it was much worse, more than I could ever imagine. As well as credit cards and personal loans, David started to take things from our home to hock at pawnbrokers. He would find out when I wasn't there and nick home to grab something to sell. As simple task such as walking to the corner shop now seemed out of my reach, I would have knots in my stomach and upon arriving back home would run around checking to see what was missing. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, he started embezzling money from employers. Not even the birth of our second son seemed to make a difference. His whole life had become consumed by pokies.

In early 2000 I accepted what I had known for so long, there was nothing I could do to stop him from gambling. I felt angry, betrayed, ashamed and useless. What had I done to make him gamble? This man who I had loved so much, had slipped away, I didn’t know him anymore. I packed up the kids and left - a feeling that left me sick to my stomach!

The following weeks seemed such a blur. There were endless arguments and blame thrown from both sides. The amount gambled away over the years amounts to around $200,00 although we will never really know.

Twelve months on and David has not gambled for a few months and is slowly rebuilding his life. We have both been attending counselling, GA and GAMANON meetings for some time now. What a lifeline they have been - I don’t know where I would have been today without them.

I still love David very much and I don’t know when or if we will get back together. I suppose a lot of people find it hard to understand how I could still love him after all that has happened. But he is still the same person I fell in love with 15 years ago. He is still my best friend, he still makes me laugh, he still puts up with my moods and he is still the father of my two kids. The most wonderful, beautiful boys in the world - who still adore and love their Daddy.

Yes, I still get angry, hurt and sad, but the rage that was within me for so long has now gone. What is the point of being bitter and angry for the rest of my life? I have my faults too, just like everyone, and I hope I am learning from them. The best thing that I can do now is learn to take care of myself, raise my two gorgeous boys and hope David and I can learn from this experience and build a new, better life together. We’ll just take “one day at a time”.

Maree

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Disclaimer - The opinions expressed in this website are not necessarily those held by the Gambling Impact Society (NSW) Inc. No responsibility will be accepted for anything that may occur as a result of anyone relying on the information and opinions contained in the website.

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