Problem Gambling: Effects On Partners

As a partner of someone struggling with the effects of problem gambling it is often a difficult personal journey through denial, sadness, anger, loss, self–reproach and ultimately acceptance and healing.

It is a journey undertaken by many, often in isolation and sometimes without the recognition from family, friends or even support services. It can feel like all the emphasis is upon “the problem gambler” and at times you may feel closed out even when your partner may be seeking assistance through counselling or other support services. Few services, as yet, seem to focus upon the family as a system and sometimes it can feel like your own issues are being ignored.

The following chart based on Sheila Wexler’s work, available on the Web at www.addictions.net , provides an overview of many of the symptoms commonly experienced by partners of problem gamblers. Sheila summarises the effects on partners as denial, stress and exhaustion.

Denial can be strong defence mechanism for partners and is often exhibited through occasional worries, keeping quiet, keeping concerns to yourself, making excuses for the gambler, thinking that the gambling is “just a phase they are going through”, accepting the increased spending, beginning to question the unpaid bills, being easily reassured by the gambler, becoming frustrated by unexplained financial crises but continuing to enable the gambler to continue the deception.

Symptoms of stress include often complaining about the decreasing amount of time your partner may be spending with the family, arguing over money and/or the whereabouts of bills, feeling rejected by the gambler, attempting to control the gambler’s behaviour, making all sorts of demands on the gambler, avoiding family and friends, feeling isolated and that no one can help, continuing to enable the gambler by providing bailouts.

Common signs of exhaustion include increasingly being preoccupied and confused, developing intense resentments, thinking may become impaired and feelings of increasing rage, feeling immobilised and as if you can’t act, doubting your own sanity, beginning to panic and/or feeling anxious, stress related illnesses often becoming more frequent.

As a partner of a problem gambler your own health may suffer and, beyond the immediate concerns, issues of damaged trust in the relationship and protecting your own financial security are some of the longer tern concerns that may need to be addressed. Seeking help for you can provide the opportunity for change not just for yourself but also in the overall situation. Even although your partner may still be in denial about his/her problem you can do still do something for yourself.

Most of the gambling services listed in this website are available to partners of gamblers and gaining professional counselling support may be the first step in a range of methods to help you deal with your own issues. Others include self-help groups such as GAMANON - a support group for family and friends of problem gamblers (Tel: 02 9564 1595 to find out about groups in your local area) and learning as much as you can about the cycle of problem gambling and how to deal with it. “Behind the Eight Ball” a book by Linda Bergman is an excellent starting point (can be difficult obtain in Australia—use Amazon Books on the Web).

It is important to recognise your own need for support. It is important to know - YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

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Disclaimer - The opinions expressed in this website are not necessarily those held by the Gambling Impact Society (NSW) Inc. No responsibility will be accepted for anything that may occur as a result of anyone relying on the information and opinions contained in the website.