Joys Story

Joy will never understand exactly how she became gripped by a horrific gambling addiction. The mother of four children had never gambled until she started playing the pokies one day to distract her from the problems of a midlife crisis. But during her darkest days, when she lived in frenzied anticipation of her next gambling spree, Joy ploughed recklessly through the savings she and her husband had banked for years.

Now Joy’s spouse, who since separated from her, battled cancer and after struggling with his illness for a little more than 2 years he passed away last December. Joy is riddled with guilt because she feels the money that she frittered away on the pokies might have made his illness until his death a lot easier. He struggled to pay the day to day bills and the worry would increase the speed at which he deteriorated. “Sometimes I feel pretty devastated”’ says Joy, 53. Although we were separated, I believe that my husband has forgiven me for gambling away our money. I it’s so hard to forgive myself. The savings I spent on the pokies could have helped him have a better quality of life during his illness. He could have afforded better care”

Joy says that she gambled away up to 50,000 over four years, little by little. She ran up huge credit card bills and borrowed from friends and family. But Joy’s obsession with gambling wasn’t always so. “When we first married my husband used to bet on the horses. Although he didn’t lose a lot of money I could see it could lead to something really bad. I persuaded him to stop,” she recalls, realising the irony. “and one of my grandparents used to gamble and lost a lot of money. So I was firmly against it and wouldn’t even buy a lottery ticket!” Joy says she unwittingly started gambling after a weekly trip to play bingo progressed to a weekly visit to the pokies. “I used to hate the pokies and wouldn’t go near them, but I felt like doing something different and eventually thought: “Why not”. “To begin with I had a few small wins. Nothing major but enough get a buzz”.

“It felt really satisfying going with a $50 profit in my pocket. I started going to the pokies two or three times a week, spending $20 or $30 a time. Gradually I slipped into an addictive behaviour. I just loved the adrenaline rush I got from winnings.

Joy thinks a combination of stressful factors might have led to her addiction. Four children were entering adulthood and, like most parents she was concerned for their futures. At the same time the gloss had come off her 25 year marriage. Joy and her husband had experienced their fair share of financial hardship and both spent time out of work and on the dole. They had also lost their emotional intimacy. “Our marriage wasn’t going so well, we were drifting”, Joy admits. “Going to the pokies gave ma a social pastime. It was an environment where I was safe as a woman; I wouldn’t get hit on or harassed. I would chat to other people playing the machines and I made friends.

My husband had no idea how much of our money I was throwing away. He’d give me his wages to bank and money for housekeeping and I’d go and spend it gambling,’ Joy admits. I was quite clever about covering up my habit – I’d make sure there was food in the cupboards and I didn’t neglect the home.

Finally, Joy got so low she would no longer see the point of living. “Sometimes when I lost a lot of money I’d be physically ill. The pressure I was under was terrible. After losing $800 in one relatively quick pokie session, she decided to confess and to stop gambling. She had to face the wrath of her husband and children, who were shocked and horrified by Joy’s gambling confession. “My husband couldn’t believe all our money had gone, he isn’t a violent man, but I got out of the house pretty quickly after confessing. He was very upset.

Joy’s husband asked her to leave and she has been living alone for the past 2 years. When he died she was not by his side and carries a sadness that she just can’t seem to shake.

Her daughter and 3 sons didn’t speak to her for a while and are now slowly integrating Joy again into their lives.

“Anyone who plays the pokies should stop”, she says. “It’s so easy to fall into addictive behaviour without even realising it. If I could turn back the clock I would.”

Please let us know whether the information on this page was useful.

 Not Helpful  1   2   3   4   5  Very Helpful

Comments:

Disclaimer - The opinions expressed in this website are not necessarily those held by the Gambling Impact Society (NSW) Inc. No responsibility will be accepted for anything that may occur as a result of anyone relying on the information and opinions contained in the website.